


Sex Bomb as sung by Tom Jones

by merkintosh



Category: Glee
Genre: Frottage, M/M, Misunderstandings, ep related: Laryngitis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-15
Updated: 2013-04-15
Packaged: 2017-12-08 10:29:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/760342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merkintosh/pseuds/merkintosh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Puck needs to save his sex fiend reputation from the young up and comer, Kurt Hummel, and he's prepared to do whatever it takes to win.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sex Bomb as sung by Tom Jones

**Author's Note:**

> Seeing the world from Puck's point of view may cause an existential crisis.

It was when Puck found out that Brittany had made out with the prissy gay kid, that he realized he needed to up his game if he wanted to maintain his legend at McKinley as the hottest sex fiend to ever grace those hallways.

“You made out with the gay kid?” Puck asked, “What was that about?”

Brittany didn't look up from her homework which looked like a lot of little sombreros. Maybe it was math homework. “I thought Kurt was gay too until he took me out on a date.”

Puck never liked when he fell into the trap women lay where they turned a simple question and answer session into a conversation, but he needed to know. “You went on a date with Kurt Hummel.”

“Yes. We had dinner and then he gave me a facial. It was nice.” Brittany was now looking straight at Puck, her bright eyes shining. “I was sad when we broke up because he was such a great boyfriend. Although he wasn't that good of a kisser.”

Puck didn't know much about being gay, but he knew a lot about being a man and any man who could give a girl a facial, and have her like it, was a sex fiend. This made Kurt Hummel competition – something that hurt Puck's brain to think about since yesterday the kid had practically peed himself when Schuester handed out sheet music to a Brittany Spears song for them to sing – and Puck was not about to relinquish his title.

The only question was how to knock Kurt Hummel down before Brittany told everyone about their date. Puck's reputation could not stand another hit at this point.

\----

It came to him in a dream that night. He was wandering the halls of the high school late at night when he found himself in front of the choir room. Inside, he could see Kurt sitting on the piano bench, randomly hitting keys when he turned around and faced Puck. He was wearing that creepy white mask that Rachel had in her bedroom and Puck felt compelled to enter the room and go towards him. Kurt stood up when Puck reached the piano and grabbed Puck's dick, making him instantly hard. That's when Puck woke up and realized: the only way to take down a sex fiend was through sex. Puck had to seduce Kurt Hummel and prove he was the better sex fiend. That would psych the kid out so much that he wouldn't dream of moving onto Puck's territory. It was the only way to save his reputation.

The next day, Puck caught up with Kurt at his locker before lunch. “Hey, Hummel.” he said, leaning against the lockers by Kurt's. He kept a lookout to make sure no one saw him talking to Kurt.

“Hello, Puck.” Kurt said without looking up once from the mirror on his locker door. “What could I possibly do for you?”

“I heard you gave Brittany a facial.” Puck started out. This made Kurt finally look at him. Puck decided if he was going to seduce the kid he needed to start now so he gave Kurt the roving eye before giving him the intense stare. “I just wanted to congratulate you on that.”

“Why thank you,” Kurt said with one of those smug grins of his, “I knew the moment I saw her pores that she needed help minimizing them and I had just the right cream for it at home. But why are you of all people talking to me about this. Do you want a facial? Because you look like you need one.”

Puck didn't know when he lost control of this seduction scene, but he had to get it back, “Whoa! Hey! No, just no. I don't go for that kind of thing, unless I'm the one doing it. I just wanted to say that I admire your sex technique and all, but I can't have you usurping me. I have a reputation to uphold and if maintaining my status here means I have to take you down then I will.”

Kurt looked like he'd been struck in the face with a football. “Technique?” he asked faintly.

Now Puck was back on his side of the court. “Yes, technique. At first I wasn't sure what your angle was because I figured someone as gay as you look probably scared off all the closet cases at this school so quick that you had to be a super-virgin or something. But I did some research on the internet and I've figured it out. You're a sex turtle.”

“You think I look like a turtle?” Kurt asked, his chin dropped towards his chest as his eyes got larger in surprise.

Puck shook his head and put his hand on Kurt's shoulder. “No, you're a sex turtle. It's a metaphor. Apparently, some turtles in order to get their food pretend their tongue is a worm so that the prey will come to them. You're like that. You pretend to be harmless and then bam! The girls are at your feet. It's pretty impressive. How many girls have you gotten to fall for you with that trick?”

Kurt just sort of stared at Puck for awhile, his mouth open and body leaning as far away as possible from Puck as he could while still trapped within his grip. “I wasn't trying to make girls fall for me, I'm not straight. I'm gay. I like boys.” Kurt finally said.

“What does this have to do with being straight or gay? It's just sex.” Puck said, his forehead wrinking as he tried to understand what Kurt meant.

Kurt shook his head and pulled himself out of Puck's grasp. “I have to go now Puck. I have to go and not be here.” He finally said as he blindly grabbed his bag and closed his locker. Kurt quickly walked down the hall towards the lunchroom as Puck looked on, weaving like a drunk as he kept looking over his shoulder at Puck with his eyes wide and unblinking.

Puck grinned. Kurt was halfway to making out with him and he didn't even know it.

\-----

Puck wasn't able to get Kurt alone for another couple days. He had seen him in the halls and in gym class though so whenever they were in the same place Puck tried to advance his seduction through a visual slow burn. He used some of his best moves on the kid: the pursed lips with the eyebrow flick, leaning against some nerd's locker so all his muscles were flexed, the occasional gun show. However, nothing seemed to turn the kid on – if anything, Kurt walked past Puck everytime now like the pole up his ass would never shift enough to let anything else up there and his face got so tight and cold that Puck figured the kid must have frostbite on his dick. It was time for Puck to move things forward if he wanted to get Kurt to melt.

It was after glee rehearsal on Thursday when he managed to get Kurt alone. He left the room right after rehearsal like normal, grabbing Rachel and dragging her with him before she could talk to Schuester. Without her around, he knew that Kurt would take advantage of the quiet to take his time leaving the room so he could comb his hair or balance his checkbook or something gay. Once he'd ditched Rachel by flinging her at Finn in the parking lot, he moved back towards the choir room and looked inside. Only Kurt was left, digging around in his bag. Perfect. Puck re-entered the room and locked the door behind him.

“Hey, Kurt” Puck said, “So I've been doing some thinking and I think we should hook up.” He crossed him arms over his chest so he could show off his arms.

Kurt looked up sharply. “Oh. My. God”

Puck sauntered over to sit in the chair next to where Kurt was still sitting. “See, I figure while right now being a giant homo is totally not cool it won't be in a couple years what with Obama getting rid of Don't Ask, Don't Tell and Anna Paquin coming out as a part-time carpetmuncher and stuff like that. So if I get a headstart on being a bisexual, then I'll be cool in advance instead of just another kid jumping on a bandwagon.”

Kurt grabbed his bag and quickly stood up. “I'm getting a stress headache from listening to you, Puck. A headache. And do you know what headaches can lead to?” Kurt asked. His nose was scrunching up while his cheeks turned blotchy and red with emotion. “Wrinkles. We are not having this conversation, Puck. In fact, we never had this conversation. There will be no 'hooking up.' Instead, I'm going to leave this room and then I'm going back to my house where I will try to blot everything you just said out with a Billy Wilder marathon.”

“Hey, hold up.” Puck said. He grabbed Kurt's wrist and kept him from walking away. “Look, just sit down again. Just sit.” He waited while Kurt looked down at him, his free hand clutching at the strap of his bag. After a long minute, Kurt finally sat back down. “Kurt, look. I'm hot, you're decent. I'm a sex fiend and if what Brittany says is true then you're not too bad yourself. I just figure we could learn from each other, grow as individuals. Also, making out with new people is a great way to improve your game and if you do get a boyfriend won't it help if you've already kissed a guy before?”

Kurt nodded, “You do have a point, though it frightens me to admit it.”

Puck was on a roll, “And who knows! I might one day make out with a butch lesbian and learning how to kiss a guy would really help me out in that scenario.”

“And there you go again, destroying any hopes I might have had that you were capable of being semi-inoffensive.” Kurt said before rubbing his eyes. “However, I do have to admit to being curious what all the fuss is about you since every girl in Glee has made out with you except for Tina. Just promise that after today we will never speak of this again. No one will ever know about this. No one.”

Puck nodded, a small grin spreading across his face. Everything was going according to the plan.

\-----

Puck was pretty sure these were the worst five minutes of his life. After agreeing to hook up, neither of them had known quite how to start off and ended up sitting awkwardly next to each other in their chairs. Frustrated at the lack of anything going on, Puck ended up pulling Kurt by the wrist he was still holding halfway into his lap and just going for it.

The problem with just going for it was that Puck was not used to making out with someone as tall as Kurt. Most of the girls he dated were short with plush curves and long legs. Kurt, however, was nearly as tall as Puck and stick straight and while he had nice legs he also had broad shoulders and a long torso and after fighting Puck about it for a solid minute (both physically and verbally) ended up sitting in Puck's lap with his head way above Puck's. It was like making out with a tall version of Rachel and it really fucked with Puck's head to think that. This is why he preferred to make out with girls horizontally because then you didn't have to worry about your neck cramping because of an awkward angle.

All of this could have been ignored though if the kissing had been decent. As it was, Puck was becoming frustrated by the lack of participation on Kurt's part whose spine had stiffened as soon as he got into Puck's lap. When Puck kissed him, he had sat there and seemed to fight Puck whenever he tried to move the make out session from closed mouth kisses you'd give your least-favorite aunt to something a little more fun. “Ok, seriously, Kurt. You really suck at this.”

“Well, I'm sorry but you knew going into this that I'd never done this before.” Kurt said, his face tightening in that way that made Puck want to slushie him most days. Kurt started fighting him again, muttering as he moved to get off Puck's lap, “I knew this was the stupidest thing I'd ever agreed to in my life.”

Puck sighed and leaned back in the chair as he watched Kurt grab his bag and walk towards the door, “If you could pull the pole out of your ass for just one minute and relax, we could get this over with, Kurt. I mean, when Brittany said you were a lousy kisser, I thought she meant inexperienced, not frigid.”

That stopped Kurt in his tracks. “You talked to Brittany about kissing me?” Kurt asked.

“She brought it up,” Puck said. “I guess you made an impression.”

Puck didn't expect Kurt to slump down like he did against the door. He almost thought he hallucinated it though since within seconds, Kurt was standing straight again and turning around to march towards him. Puck sat up and watched as Kurt dropped his bag and straddled his lap, all stiff-necked and full of pride like a cat. “If you never bring up what happened with Brittany ever again, I am willing to...cooperate with you in every way.”

Puck put his hands on Kurt's lower back and watched him tense only to force himself to relax. “You'll do what I say.”

“I'll do what you say.”

“No matter what.” Puck asked, pulling Kurt in even closer until he was breathing hot air into Kurt's stupid scarf.

“I'll do what you say.” Kurt said again, this time with resignation in his voice.

“Well, alright then.” Puck could feel himself grinning. “Then let's get started.”

\---

With Kurt finally on board for the full Puckerman experience, things went a lot more smoothly. “Lean down.” Puck told him until Kurt was no longer looming over his head. “Relax.”

“I am relaxed.” Kurt said, shaking his head in denial.

Puck tightened his grip, “Then relax more. Seriously. Unclench.” He waited until Kurt quit struggling with himself and gave in, relaxing until he was practically a puddle in Puck's lap.

This was Puck's favorite part. “Now open your mouth.”

Kurt opened his mouth. “Ok, not that wide. I'm not trying to count your teeth here. At least, not with my eyes.” Puck said while rolling his eyes.

Kurt gave him a disgusted look, but complied.

This time when they kissed, it was much better. Puck thought it would be weird, kissing a boy, but it turned out to be a lot like kissing a girl just without as much lip gloss involved. Ok, it might have been because he was kissing Kurt that there wasn't much difference, but still. It wasn't horrible. He couldn't help biting at Kurt's mouth a little, reminding him of who was running this show before slipping Kurt some tongue. He gasped when Puck did it, but didn't fight. Instead, he squeezed at Puck's arms and turned his head as if looking for a better angle to maintain their liplock.

And then suddenly, it more than just not horrible. Something clicked between the two of them, maybe it was mutual attraction, maybe it was a mutual competitive urge, or maybe it was just mutual hate turning into awesome hate-kissing, who knows. All Puck knew was that something in Kurt must have flipped because all of a sudden he was really into it.

What surprised Puck was when he felt Kurt sort of surge into him, molding his body to Puck's and clinging to him. It was surprisingly awesome to feel Kurt become a hot piece in his arms. Puck fought back with his tongue, pushing into Kurt's mouth until he was near eating him from the inside out, licking at the roof of mouth along the ridges and counting his teeth like he'd promised earlier. Kurt gave a muffled moan as he tried to breathe around Puck's attack, but soon he was fighting back, giving back just as good as Puck gave. This is where it differed from most of the girls Puck had made out with. Kurt kissed like a grown woman who was used to being in charge and it intrigued Puck to think that Kurt wasn't a housecat afterall, but instead a wildcat.

Puck found himself truly aroused at the idea and he had to get them horizontal. He pushed himself out of the chair and groaned when he felt Kurt move his legs to wrap around his waist as he set them both on the floor. Finally, they were horizontal – Puck's best game surface. Kurt's hands were rubbing his back, moving up and down in broad strokes that made him want to lay on top of Kurt forever. Sometimes, when he really liked what Puck was doing, he'd stop and claw at Puck's shirt and he knew if they were naked he'd be bleeding. He had never expected a performance like this out of the little tightass and it almost made Puck wonder what it would be like to fuck the kid until he was so loose that pole wouldn't be able to get back in.

Instead, he had to settle for humping the shit out of the other boy. Puck thrust hard into Kurt's groin, groaning at the feel of his jeans against his hard-on. Kurt moaned and disengaged from his mouth, turning his head to pant. Puck moved one of his hands up to push Kurt's face forward again and holding onto the back of his neck, Puck thrust again and again while he breathed into Kurt's mouth.

Puck felt like he was burning and the way his zipper dug into his dick was so painful, but he couldn't give up grinding into Kurt even if he tried at this point. With one arm holding him up from total collapse, he reluctantly removed his hand from Kurt's neck and went down to unzip his jeans. Kurt looked down at what he was doing and started moaning, his mouth so close to Puck's that he could feel the vibrations. His hand kept bumping against Kurt's crotch as he strugged with his own erection and realizing that he was freeing himself from zipperburn only to rub against another, he started working on Kurt's jeans, too.

Puck wanted to see Kurt's dick and do a comparision – make sure he wasn't packing a surprise pornodick or something down there – but as soon as their erections met during a particularly inspired hip thrust on his part, he didn't even care if Kurt had fourteen dicks or a mariachi band down there. It felt so good, Puck had to close his eyes and stop moving for a second so he could collect himself while Kurt went crazy beneath him. Kurt was clawing at his back, giving out small little shouts inbetween hisses of breath. Puck returned his hand to Kurt's neck and held him as still as he could while he stuck his tongue back in Kurt's mouth. They were both thrusting now, trying to fuck their way through each other practially.

He couldn't last much longer with this much stimulation and Puck was soon banging Kurt into the floor in his need to come. His dick was sliding everywhere, over Kurt's dick, on their clothes, on their stomachs and then finally, right between Kurt's legs and he could feel himself in between the cheeks of Kurt's ass. The thought of just fucking his way in and really taking the little bastard down, making him bowlegged and thoroughly owned made Puck's eyes roll in his head and he shuddered as he came. He pulled away from Kurt's mouth and just tried to breathe as he orgasmed, smearing his semen along Kurt's ass and groin as he kept thrusting against Kurt's erection.

Kurt was whining now, still thrusting up as Puck felt himself winding down. Too tired, but not so much of a jerk that he'd leave Kurt hanging, Puck collapsed on top of Kurt letting Kurt use him for friction. Kissing seemed beyond Kurt right now as he kept trying to throw off Puck's hand on his neck, his head moving back and forth as he worked himself up. So Puck figured he'd work on the pièce de résistance of his plan and gripping harder on Kurt's neck, he moved down and sucked hard and high on Kurt's throat. This made Kurt freeze beneath him and he could feel it when Kurt orgasmed, the warmth pooling where their groins met.

Neither of them felt like moving after that and while Kurt collapsed fully beneath him his arms and legs falling to the floor, Puck kept up his suction on Kurt's neck. When he was finally satisfied, Puck pushed himself up and admired his handiwork. There was Kurt on the floor of the choir room and he was a full-fledged mess with semen in his pubic hair and on his clothes, he was bright red with exertion, and the bruise Puck had made on his neck was already coloring. It would be spectacular by tomorrow. Puck had won.

Then Puck tried to get up and hissed at the feel of the scratches Kurt had managed to lay on his back through his clothes. His groin was just as messy as Kurt's and he felt like his hips were bruised and about to fall off just from humping the other boy. If he actually had fucked him, Puck had a feeling his dick would fall off from overwork. Puck may have won, but Kurt made him work for it. Puck still couldn't help but admire Kurt's technique. No wonder Brittany was gagging for it still.

“Shit, Hummel.” Puck said, “Who knew you had it in you?” That made Kurt tense and scramble to push Puck off of him. Puck felt like laughing as he slowly stood up and watched Kurt try to pull himself together. Kurt looked down at his crotch in horror, but gamely tried to clean up the mess with a gym towel from his bag before zipping himself back up. Puck waited until Kurt was looking at him before handling his own junk.

“So I was thinking,” Puck said before Kurt interrupted him.

“Please stop. Your thinking is the yellow brick road to hell.”

Puck grinned at that. “No, hear me out. I was thinking that what just happened was one hell of a lay so I thank you for that.” Kurt's face did that scrunching thing again, “Also, I was thinking that it probably shouldn't be a one-time thing.”

Kurt looked horrified. Puck had him. “We agreed to one time only, no discussion ever.”

“You can't tell me that you aren't willing to go for another ride after that,” Puck said, “I'm pretty sure my dick is numb from your rubbing up on me.”

“You're incorrigible.” Kurt hissed, picking his bag up off the floor and stomping out of the room, turning back every once in awhile to glare at Puck. He'd be back for more.

As it stood now, Puck figured that if Kurt ever did manage to actually figure out that he was a hot little sex machine he'd take McKinley for a sex ride through Queer Town it would never forget and Puck could not let that happen. So if he kept Kurt hanging off his own dick, he'd keep his rep as the biggest sex fiend to ever grace McKinley's halls and Kurt's sex appeal would stay his own little secret. After all, the only way to control a sex fiend was through sex.


End file.
